Automobile Tool Definitions
Hammer: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts near the object aimed at.

Mechanic's Knife: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing convertible tops or tonneau covers.

Electric Hand Drill: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling roll bar mounting holes in the floor of a sports car just above the brake line that goes to the rear axle.

Hacksaw: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

Vise-Grips: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

Oxyacetylene Torch: Used almost entirely for lighting those stale garage cigarettes you keep hidden in the back of the Whitworth socket drawer (What wife would think to look in there?) because you can never remember to buy lighter fluid for the Zippo lighter you got from the PX at Fort Campbell.

Zippo Lighter: See oxyacetelene torch.

Whitworth Sockets: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for hiding six-month old Salems from the sort of person who would throw them away for no good reason.

Drill Press: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against the Rolling Stones poster over the bench grinder.

Wire Wheel:
Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar callouses in about the time it takes you to say, "Django Reinhardt".

Hydraulic Floor Jack:
Used for lowering a Mustang to the ground after you have installed a set of Ford Motorsports lowered road springs, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front air dam.

Eight-Foot Long Douglas Fir 2X4:
Used for levering a car upward off a hydraulic jack.

Tweezers: A tool for removing wood splinters.

Phone: Tool for calling your neighbor Chris to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

Snap-On Gasket Scraper:
Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

E-Z Out Bolt and Stud Extractor: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

Timing Light: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft pulleys.

Two-Ton Hydraulic Engine Hoist:
A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and hydraulic clutch lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

Craftsman 1/2 x 16-inch Screwdriver: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

Battery Electrolyte Tester: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

Aviation Metal Snips: See Hacksaw.

Trouble Light: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

Phillips Screwdriver: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

Air Compressor: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty suspension bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Abingdon, Oxfordshire, and rounds them off.

Each of my posts is a sincere attempt to correlate & compound the collective knowledge of this community for the benefit of myself & all Mach1 owners who read these pages today, and in the future!
Welcome all Mach1 enthusiasts were glad your here! Jump on in and spread all the knowledge you can.Rockxtreme

Current Vehicles:
2015 Harley-Davidson Electra Glide Ultra Classic
2014 Ford F150 Platinum 4x4 5.0
2013 Shelby GT500 SVT 20th Anniversary Edition
2013 Mustang GT 5.0
2007 Kawasaki Brute Force 750i 4x4
2006 Kawasaki Brute Force 750i 4x4
2006 Yamaha Raptor 700R
1979 Pontiac Trans Am

Sell your Mustang or Mustang Parts free!
   [Image: sellmymustang.JPG]

"Horsepower sells cars, torque wins races" - Carroll Shelby
My Mustang just used the gas your Prius saved. Thanks!

Phoenix Arizona
[Image: USA.gif]  [Image: Arizona_flag_32w.gif]

I love this one... and quite accurate as well.

I also learned recently that the word 'Carburetor' is actually French in origin, and the most direct translation is: "Don't F00k with it."

[Image: mach1sig2.jpg]
Here's a link to my '71 Mach 1 Facebook album:

Northern Virginia
[Image: virginia.gif]

Mike AKA "Rare Pony"  & "Ole Pony"

We'll Be Friends Until We Are Old and Senile. Then We'll Be NEW Friends!

Current stable: 73 Mustang Convertible 250 CID Auto (owned since 1974), 04 Oxford White Mach 1, 4.6, Auto

Someone has been looking in my tool kit!
                                    Good; Fast; Cheap.  Pick any two.
                                    The best mechanic you know holds the steering wheel when you drive  Thumbsup
                                     Current Rides:
                                     The Daughter's '70 Mach 1.  Nana
                                     My: 3 x E32; 2 x E38; X5 BMWs; 2 x BMW MINIs (R50 & R55);
                                     Daimler Sovereign(s)  S1 and X40     Cool
                                     Parts car:  E38 Confused    

Very nice Clap_

Forum Jump:

Users browsing this thread:
1 Guest(s)

Forum software by © MyBB Theme © iAndrew 2016